5 Reasons Why Self-Love Isn’t Selfish
BY APRIL PASCARELLI
It’s February, also known as the month of love. And whether we like it or not, Valentine's Day comes in like a wrecking ball. The new year hits, and Christmas is already a distant memory as far as retail is concerned. Enter conversation hearts, chocolate truffles, and all things pink and red. Love is officially in the air. So, what if we devoted the month of February (and all year-long) to loving ourselves? Sounds self centered and self-absorbed, right? But rather than rely on others to fill an empty void, we must muster up a commitment to giving and receiving love from ourselves. But how exactly do we do that? And how do we love on ourselves without seeming well, selfish? The key here is to commit to and practice self-care and self-love. While often confused, these are two different practices. However, if we want to dote on ourselves, we must focus on self-care. Self-care emphasizes our everyday actions, and self-love refers to our thoughts and feelings for ourselves.
Read on to see when to check your ego, snag a few how-tos, and hear five reasons why practicing self care and self-love is not selfish at all.
It Is Necessary
Your entire foundation begins with you. Simply put, your relationships cannot survive without you. How you show up to those relationships and how you show up in life is a direct reflection of how you will continue to show up for yourself. If we can dive in and allow for much-needed me-time, then we can give back to our body and mind. We would get a chance to pause, recharge, and be at our absolute best. But how do we do these things when we do not have the time? The number one concern and a legit one, at that. Our days feel like a never-ending cycle of kids, work, commutes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and the list goes on. In addition, it is expected of us to find time to work out, pamper ourselves, meditate, nurture our relationships, read books, enjoy nature, etc. How on earth can we possibly squeeze anything else into an already over-packed schedule? Well, for starters, we deem it necessary! Take small steps to add self care to your lifestyle. Do you sit in the car commuting to work for an hour every day? Tune into an uplifting podcast or a meditation (eyes open for this one)! Need to take a breather during the day while working from home and dealing with kids? Instead of grabbing for the remote, take a quick walk outside and take in your surroundings while also taking a few deep breaths to reset yourself.
Personal Health is Priority
Our health is often taken for granted. On the daily, we go, go, go. If we do not stop to listen to our bodies and minds and cut ourselves some slack, things can start to crumble. Just like a well-oiled machine that becomes neglected and sputters out, our bodies can do the same. Our bodies are vessels with so many capabilities, as long as we take care of them! The moment we no longer have our health, nothing else matters. To be successful in our relationships, families, careers, and life, we must take control of our health. Otherwise, everything takes a backseat, and it becomes an uphill battle to make it back to where we began. So, do yourself (and your loved ones) a favor and get ahead of self-care. The more you practice acts of self-care, the more calm and positive you will feel. In turn, the more we care for ourselves, the more our confidence, self-esteem, and self-love increase!
Be the Example
If you have kids or nieces and nephews, this is a BIG one! Whether toddlers or teens, it is never too late - their eyes are always watching. As adults, we set the tone. So tune out surrounding judgment and stories you have set up in your mind. Pave the way for them to follow suit with self-care and self-love. With the rise of mental health issues, self-care and self-love are so incredibly important for our mindset. Teaching our younger generation how we handle mishaps and the compassion we can give ourselves is a step in the right direction. Our actions and thoughts are stage-setters as far as how we react to the inevitable daily hiccups and nosedives that we are bound to take. So lead the way, and lead by example.
Change Your Inner Dialogue
Finding true self-love comes with how we think and talk to ourselves. We all have doubts and fears and anxieties and stressors. It would be impossible not to - we are human, after all. But, when we let those same negative thoughts and feelings start to overtake our self-talk, then we sabotage any chance at finding a truly healthy and fulfilled lifestyle. Sounds great but, easier said than done, right? Remember, it is a practice and, it does take time. The key is having the awareness to stop yourself when you start going down the rabbit hole of negativity. Practicing self-love means loving yourself unapologetically and wholeheartedly accepting yourself exactly where you are right now. It means thinking and talking positively about yourself and letting go of the constant comparisons (happiness thieves). Have gratitude for yourself, your accomplishments, your life. And while you’re at it, maybe toss that bathroom scale that is literally weighing you down. But seriously, nobody is like YOU! Accept that, own that, and love that about yourself!
It Is Your Life
No one can dictate your life. They may have opinions but, the truth is, it’s up to you. Years ago, when stuck in a depressing cycle of what seemed like constant misfortune, I wrote down my goals. One of which was to “be happy”. Be happy! The lightbulb moment went off as I realized that I could choose to be happy right then and there. Why was I putting it on a list of goals like it couldn't be achieved for another one, three, or five years? As if it was not quite attainable yet. Our experiences in life will not always go in our favor. There will be changes, moves, relationships that end, illness, grief, and so many more heartaches and hard times. And sure, we can allow ourselves grace as we heal through those moments. But, we cannot stay down. We must choose to pick ourselves back up again and move forward. We must choose to be happy. No one can do that for us, except us!
You are probably thinking this all sounds a little head in the clouds, and let’s get real, right? Maybe it is unlikely to think that we could indulge in self-care and self-love every single day. Of course, there will be moments to take us off-track but, the important thing is that you make the efforts to incorporate these tools into your daily life. While you declutter your thoughts, take a check at who and what you follow on social media (is it helping you or holding you back?), consider what you watch or read online or on tv, and try to pick one thing daily to commit to cultivating self-love. This is not one size fits all. Find what works for you! And commit to yourself. Listen, you have to live with yourself so, you might as well love yourself, right?
It is not always going to be easy but, it will be worth it. Choose joy, live for all the moments, and love you! Accept yourself, lead with love, and live with gratitude. Your relationships and your career will thrive. And the rebounds that life gives you will be that much sweeter!